Yet another post from my blog at the Jakarta Post.
Attitudes About Sex: Public and Private
My last post offended at least one reader, despite my doing my best not to offend anyone. It seems as though that person would have preferred I just not talk about sex at all. Yet that is at least part of what this blog has always been about.
That points to a pretty big and obvious difference between some Indonesians and most westerners. Many westerners are quite open about sex. Many Indonesians would prefer not to talk about it all…
…At least, not in public. There is an interesting book out (in addition to my own) that talks about the Jakarta that is underground, so to speak. There is an underworld in the city, a part of Indonesian life that is somewhat hidden. There is no shortage of prostitutes or night clubs where some Indonesians go, hoping to find sex. Indonesia also has its share of gay people, just like any other society. To the credit of many Indonesians, gays do not seem to face as much discrimination as they do in some other societies. Many Indonesian gays seem quite open about who and what they are.
Indonesian cultures generally stress that people, especially women, should dress modestly and remain covered. Yet it is not unusual to see Indonesian women wearing a jilbab, but also wear tight clothing, sometimes leggings, or even spandex.
Indonesian cultures stress modesty, yet about half the Indonesian women I have been with enjoyed trying to do naughty things in public, whether in the woods, at movie theaters, or even while in taxis and becaks. (By “naughty” I do not mean just sex. Even holding hands in public seems naughty to some Indonesians.) There was even a place where I went with an Indonesian woman, near a waterfall famous in your country. Near there was an elderly man renting out towels for couple to have sex on in the woods. For a little more money, he would also warn you if there were people coming so you could not get caught. And all on these occasions I was naughty with an Indonesian women in public, most people around us were not offended. Most found it exciting, and some of them cheered us. Nearly all enjoyed watching us, thought it romanctic or daring. Only once did a man tell us to stop. Which we did. We were no trying to offend anyone, and that man actually walked upon us by accident.
Many Indonesian women have told me they remember other incidents of public sex, but not ones where it was anything to celebrate. A few Indonesian men take advantage of the society’s lack of openness about sex to harass women or girls. Several Indonesian women told me they sometimes see men who wait outside public schools and flash their genitals to the girls coming out, or masturbate in front of them. On the buses and the pete petes, sometimes abusive men will grab at the women. One girl told me of a time on the bus where a man behind her rubbed up against her for several minutes. Then she felt a wet spot on her back. She felt she could not say anything because others would blame her and not the man. Another told me how she hated going on buses at night. The men always grab her in the dark. Again, if she says anything, other people on the bus would blame her and not the men.
It is because Indonesian society says that sex must not be talked about in public, these kinds of incidents keep happening. Some people would even blame the women and girls who are the victims, instead of the men who harassed or touched them. In America, such men would go to jail. No one deserves to be harassed, to be groped or harmed.
Openness about sex plays a big part of why some Indonesian women choose to be with foreign men. Openness leads to more sexual knowledge, which leads to greater pleasure and intimacy, not just physical intimacy, but emtional intimacy and romance. Very few foreign men would choose to be with a woman they will not have sex with. I think we all know this, but it is worth writing about for an entire post. Next time.
Again, it’s my hope that these writings do not offend, they enlighten and help others learn.
An American Man is the pen name of the author of An Indonesian Love Story by an American Man, the true story of a westerner’s love and experiences with Indonesian women, a romance and love poem to the people and land of Indonesia.
That points to a pretty big and obvious difference between some Indonesians and most westerners. Many westerners are quite open about sex. Many Indonesians would prefer not to talk about it all…
…At least, not in public. There is an interesting book out (in addition to my own) that talks about the Jakarta that is underground, so to speak. There is an underworld in the city, a part of Indonesian life that is somewhat hidden. There is no shortage of prostitutes or night clubs where some Indonesians go, hoping to find sex. Indonesia also has its share of gay people, just like any other society. To the credit of many Indonesians, gays do not seem to face as much discrimination as they do in some other societies. Many Indonesian gays seem quite open about who and what they are.
Indonesian cultures generally stress that people, especially women, should dress modestly and remain covered. Yet it is not unusual to see Indonesian women wearing a jilbab, but also wear tight clothing, sometimes leggings, or even spandex.
Indonesian cultures stress modesty, yet about half the Indonesian women I have been with enjoyed trying to do naughty things in public, whether in the woods, at movie theaters, or even while in taxis and becaks. (By “naughty” I do not mean just sex. Even holding hands in public seems naughty to some Indonesians.) There was even a place where I went with an Indonesian woman, near a waterfall famous in your country. Near there was an elderly man renting out towels for couple to have sex on in the woods. For a little more money, he would also warn you if there were people coming so you could not get caught. And all on these occasions I was naughty with an Indonesian women in public, most people around us were not offended. Most found it exciting, and some of them cheered us. Nearly all enjoyed watching us, thought it romanctic or daring. Only once did a man tell us to stop. Which we did. We were no trying to offend anyone, and that man actually walked upon us by accident.
Many Indonesian women have told me they remember other incidents of public sex, but not ones where it was anything to celebrate. A few Indonesian men take advantage of the society’s lack of openness about sex to harass women or girls. Several Indonesian women told me they sometimes see men who wait outside public schools and flash their genitals to the girls coming out, or masturbate in front of them. On the buses and the pete petes, sometimes abusive men will grab at the women. One girl told me of a time on the bus where a man behind her rubbed up against her for several minutes. Then she felt a wet spot on her back. She felt she could not say anything because others would blame her and not the man. Another told me how she hated going on buses at night. The men always grab her in the dark. Again, if she says anything, other people on the bus would blame her and not the men.
It is because Indonesian society says that sex must not be talked about in public, these kinds of incidents keep happening. Some people would even blame the women and girls who are the victims, instead of the men who harassed or touched them. In America, such men would go to jail. No one deserves to be harassed, to be groped or harmed.
Openness about sex plays a big part of why some Indonesian women choose to be with foreign men. Openness leads to more sexual knowledge, which leads to greater pleasure and intimacy, not just physical intimacy, but emtional intimacy and romance. Very few foreign men would choose to be with a woman they will not have sex with. I think we all know this, but it is worth writing about for an entire post. Next time.
Again, it’s my hope that these writings do not offend, they enlighten and help others learn.
An American Man is the pen name of the author of An Indonesian Love Story by an American Man, the true story of a westerner’s love and experiences with Indonesian women, a romance and love poem to the people and land of Indonesia.
Available at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0050QBEO0
This post is crossposted at my Author’s Blog at http://indonesianlovestory.blogspot.com/ and my Facebook page at
No comments:
Post a Comment